Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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