Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
