Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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