So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
