Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
