you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
