His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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