it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
