Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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