I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
