Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
