i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
