I love black thongs
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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