I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
