Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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