so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
