i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
