needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
