I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
