i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This is the high leading the old right now
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
