worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
