69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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