i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
