Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
