At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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