Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
