3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
