BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
