I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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