I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
