oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize