but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
