Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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