I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
