wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
