did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize