The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
