I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
