TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
