This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
