Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
