There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
