yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
