I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
