When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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