She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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