wrigley field is MILF paradise
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize