Michael Bay diarrhea
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
