I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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