is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
