I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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