Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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