I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
