Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
they need to just BURY HIM!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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