Im at strip club and am horny
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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