He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
