it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
