oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize