I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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