That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
