i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize