Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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