I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
