so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize