I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
