the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
