dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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