mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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