A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
