It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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